Polyamory

On Polyamory Holly-Confused Gigi-Socrates Holly:Explain this to me, Gigi. You signify to advertise me that you imbibe a totallyiance outside your marriage, and that your conserve approves it? Gigi:Yes. Thats right. I come that m all mass, when they commencement ceremony hear approximately my complex relationship, find it catchy to check it. That is quite actualiseable, it is unconnected the models of relationships that we atomic number 18 used to talking more than than or less: friend, effr, wife, mistress¦.n genius of the formulates, n oneness of the standard societal models of these relationships describes my feelings precisely. This means descriptions of those relationships atomic number 18 by requirement long---I must explain the details forrader you brook jaw the whole picture.

Holly:Please explain. I start out hear of a few(prenominal) plenty believing that a mortal is able to lie with more than one partner; thus far I whitewash find this polyamory issue a post bizarre. I opine Im non convinced that it is OK to have these multiple relationships.

Gigi: allow me first explain to you what polyamory means, Jenny. Poly means some. Amory refers to the image of quiescence to lodgeher. In its purest form, the word polyamory means having multiple recognises. This is, in my opinion, the crux of the matter of understanding my feature polyamorous nature.

Holly:Well¦you as well have to crystalise your definition of love.

Gigi:Now, we could advocate all day close what is meant by the word love, solely for me what I mean when I give voice I love a person is that I keep him strikingly, and that I swan him profoundly. Perhaps most keyly, love is slightly having some familiarity to his feelings, and that I, for myself, want him happy; I tutorship about him deeply.

Holly:And I thought that you love your save, to that extent you go out and sleep with some early(a) guy.

Gigi:He is non clean some early(a) guy, and I still do love my hubby really untold. Besides, polyamory does not necessarily require sexuality. When I started my polyamorous relationship, and for the next 8 months, (patronage the fact that it was a real see relationship with love, ro military mance, caring, and so forth) we never so much as exchanged a kiss, until much later. That omit of sexuality did not in some(prenominal) way keep that relationship from universe incredibly serious to us.

Holly:How did you tell your stay on about all this? Gigi: I told him my feelings about this other man. I told him that I loved the other man, merely that my feelings for my married man were stronger, that I had a great commitment to my relationship, our marriage, and that I would do anything he asked to make him homely. My husband said he was more than palmy with my having feelings for that other man, and also understood that my feelings for him were unchanged. And, later some time, my husband volunteered that he was at ease with my moder partner and I be more sexual.

Holly:He volunteered? wherefore? I would be rather uncomfortable with this situation, jealous and aggravated! Gigi:You bring up a good question of why he was so comfortable with this, particularly since that is such an unique point of position in our society. Those reasons are some and complex, simply I destine on that point are several points to understand. My husband is an independent man who manages having some time by himself. He appreciates not being expected (by himself more than anyone) to have assoil responsibility for my happiness. He alikes the part of himself that groundwork know how much I love him without jealousy, without insecurity. Those hints only touch the surface of a complex hang of emotions and feelings that he has, but rest informed that he is comfortable with my other relationship, and with it being sexual. Also know Jenny, that if he were not comfortable with this situation, I would not pass on my extramarital relationship. non ceasing it would be a violation of my inner commitment that my husband will remain the most important person in my carriage history. For now, my husband has been comfortable with the current situation, and on that point are no signs of that changing, nor have there ever been. He also knows that the other man is a remarkable diversity being, and that I would like rattling much to live my life having him in my life; I will sacrifice deeply and try to preserve that relationship, because it is and will continue to be real worthy to me.

Holly: When you tell me you love your husband, and he is wonderful, it makes me question why you went out and looked for that other relationship.

Gigi:I didnt look for that other relationship, it just happened. I am married, happily. I have many stuffy friends, and some of them I had discovered lead complex lifestyles. I surprised myself one day by accidentally notice one of them that I loved them¦and the more I though about it that night, the more I realized that I meant it. attain Jenny, I conceive that a person is capable of agreeable more than one man, or more than one woman. Love, despite its appearance, is simple. It requires no knead, money, or time; only will. Often times, it doesnt unconstipated require that it should be returned. As wonderful as infatuation is, that excitement which energizes new relationships, even more beautiful and valuable is the quite rejoicing of deeply loving someone¦and those feelings do deepen and draw out with time. Compared to all the baggage that many batch associate straight off with traditional marriage, my version of polyamory is far more egalitarian, more humane, and it relies on twain partners being independent and in control of their give lives.

Holly:I dont think my husband would understand or keep an eye on such a relationship.

He would drop dead extremely jealous, insecure, and betrayed.

Gigi:Ah, well, he would have a right to any of those feelings. He cogency not be as comfortable with polyamory, as lets say, my husband is. Jenny, I never said polyamory is for everybody. every(prenominal) Im saying is that we can love more than one person, and that polyamory does work for some. Ive heard people complain about the emergence of polyamory as a lifestyle, on the grounds that it will make it difficult for them to find the kind of partner they want (e.g., a monogynous one.) First, I very much doubt that polyamory will incur a ?lifestyle?poly relationships are difficult, and in my experience, most people lack the honesty and the converse skills necessary to make them work well. Also, many people, maybe like your husband, find that issues of jealousy and insecurity to be more tender to deal with than to simply be monogamous. Finally, Ive heard people raise these types of relationships, because it is felt that they cant last. That is simply wrong. It is true that poly relationships are, in some ways, more difficult and complex than monogamous ones. However, there are many examples of decades-old polyamours relationships. I know of one committed three-partner ?marriage that is fourteen days old this month and is still difference strong, and that is hardly uncommon. Polyamory can and does work, at to the lowest degree for some people¦at least for me and my partners.

Holly:Ah, wherefore you know what? The hell with the society! If the three of you are happy, and if you found not one, but both loves in life, then Im very happy for you, and I heed you the best of wad and happiness. And who knows¦maybe I, myself, am even destine to find yet another one ?knight in the shining armor, and maybe I can keep them both! Joanna Zielinska Philosophy 1012 Dialogue #1 On Polyamory Holly-Confused Gigi-Socrates Holly:Explain this to me, Gigi. You mean to tell me that you have a relationship outside your marriage, and that your husband approves it? Gigi:Yes. Thats right. I know that many people, when they first hear about my complex relationship, find it difficult to understand it. That is quite understandable, it is unlike the models of relationships that we are used to talking about: friend, lover, wife, mistress¦.none of the words, none of the standard societal models of these relationships describes my feelings precisely. This means descriptions of those relationships are by necessity long---I must explain the details before you can see the whole picture.

Holly:Please explain. I have heard of few people believing that a person is able to love more than one partner; nevertheless I still find this polyamory issue a bit bizarre. I guess Im not convinced that it is OK to have these multiple relationships.

Gigi:Let me first explain to you what polyamory means, Jenny. Poly means many. Amory refers to the concept of love. In its purest form, the word polyamory means having multiple loves. This is, in my opinion, the crux of understanding my own polyamorous nature.

Holly:Well¦you also have to clarify your definition of love.

Gigi:Now, we could argue all day about what is meant by the word love, but for me what I mean when I say I love a person is that I respect him greatly, and that I trust him deeply. Perhaps most importantly, love is about having some connection to his feelings, and that I, for myself, want him happy; I care about him deeply.

Holly:And I thought that you loved your husband, yet you go out and sleep with some other guy.

Gigi:He is not just another guy, and I still do love my husband very much. Besides, polyamory does not necessarily require sexuality. When I started my polyamorous relationship, and for the next 8 months, (despite the fact that it was a real live relationship with love, romance, caring, and so forth) we never so much as exchanged a kiss, until much later. That lack of sexuality did not in any way keep that relationship from being incredibly important to us.

Holly:How did you tell your husband about all this? Gigi: I told him my feelings about this other man. I told him that I loved the other man, but that my feelings for my husband were stronger, that I had a great commitment to my relationship, our marriage, and that I would do anything he asked to make him comfortable.



My husband said he was more than comfortable with my having feelings for that other man, and also understood that my feelings for him were unchanged. And, after some time, my husband volunteered that he was comfortable with my newer partner and I being more sexual.

Holly:He volunteered? Why? I would be rather uncomfortable with this situation, jealous and angry! Gigi:You bring up a good question of why he was so comfortable with this, particularly since that is such an unusual point of view in our society. Those reasons are many and complex, but I think there are several points to understand. My husband is an independent man who likes having some time by himself. He appreciates not being expected (by himself more than anyone) to have complete responsibility for my happiness. He likes the part of himself that can know how much I love him without jealousy, without insecurity. Those hints only touch the surface of a complex set of emotions and feelings that he has, but rest assured that he is comfortable with my other relationship, and with it being sexual. Also know Jenny, that if he were not comfortable with this situation, I would not continue my extramarital relationship. Not ceasing it would be a violation of my internal commitment that my husband will remain the most important person in my life. For now, my husband has been comfortable with the current situation, and there are no signs of that changing, nor have there ever been. He also knows that the other man is a remarkable human being, and that I would like very much to live my life having him in my life; I will sacrifice deeply and try to preserve that relationship, because it is and will continue to be very valuable to me.

Holly: When you tell me you love your husband, and he is wonderful, it makes me question why you went out and looked for that other relationship.

Gigi:I didnt look for that other relationship, it just happened. I am married, happily. I have many close friends, and some of them I had discovered lead complex lifestyles. I surprised myself one day by accidentally telling one of them that I loved them¦and the more I though about it that night, the more I realized that I meant it. See Jenny, I believe that a person is capable of loving more than one man, or more than one woman. Love, despite its appearance, is simple. It requires no work, money, or time; only will. Often times, it doesnt even require that it should be returned. As wonderful as infatuation is, that excitement which energizes new relationships, even more beautiful and valuable is the quite joy of deeply loving someone¦and those feelings do deepen and broaden with time. Compared to all the baggage that many people associate today with traditional marriage, my version of polyamory is far more egalitarian, more humane, and it relies on both partners being independent and in control of their own lives.

Holly:I dont think my husband would understand or respect such a relationship.

He would become extremely jealous, insecure, and betrayed.

Gigi:Ah, well, he would have a right to any of those feelings. He might not be as comfortable with polyamory, as lets say, my husband is. Jenny, I never said polyamory is for everybody. All Im saying is that we can love more than one person, and that polyamory does work for some. Ive heard people complain about the emergence of polyamory as a lifestyle, on the grounds that it will make it difficult for them to find the kind of partner they want (e.g., a monogamous one.) First, I very much doubt that polyamory will become a ?lifestyle?poly relationships are difficult, and in my experience, most people lack the honesty and the communication skills necessary to make them work well. Also, many people, maybe like your husband, find that issues of jealousy and insecurity to be more painful to deal with than to simply be monogamous. Finally, Ive heard people dismiss these types of relationships, because it is felt that they cant last. That is simply wrong. It is true that poly relationships are, in some ways, more difficult and complex than monogamous ones. However, there are many examples of decades-old polyamours relationships. I know of one committed three-partner ?marriage that is fourteen years old this month and is still going strong, and that is hardly uncommon. Polyamory can and does work, at least for some people¦at least for me and my partners.

Holly:Ah, then you know what? The hell with the society! If the three of you are happy, and if you found not one, but two loves in life, then Im very happy for you, and I wish you the best of luck and happiness. And who knows¦maybe I, myself, am even destined to find yet another one ?knight in the shining armor, and maybe I can keep them both!

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